Radical Responsibility
Doing the Inner Work
In consideration of healing negative emotional and mental patterns, what does it mean to “do the work?”
I very clearly remember not understanding this when I was younger. I had a very sincere and strong desire to DO THE WORK, so I thought that I must BE doing the work, but I could not describe for you what that actually meant. And if I could not describe it to you, how could I actually be doing it?
Hey, I was a good person! I had no negative intentions in my awareness. For ten years, I readily devoured an endless number of spiritual healing and self-help books, took many courses on the same, and yet - for some reason, I just couldn’t get past these deep, undulating emotions that flooded me with a sense of helplessness, dissatisfaction, futility, confusion and frustration. I felt like a ship at sea in an everlasting storm without a compass, rudder or sails. Just WHERE the heck was I anyways???? Why was I here, in this unsupportive, antagonistic place that bared no resemblance to the existence I felt within my own heart???
I took long walks back then, down endless paths in the woods, petitioning to whatever force had brought me here and left me - for some kind of map, for some kind of guidance, a compass! Anything! Oh how I begged, pleaded and yelled at the sky, calling and calling. The call does compel the answer, by the way, but back then - my mind was overflowing with imagined ‘troubles’ and incessant potential ‘solutions’. In my case, epiphanies would come in instant flashes - which was the only way I could receive them back then.
At some point in this long journey, the idea of self-responsibility began to dawn in my awareness, and I gradually became hyper focused upon it. I knew that this was the ‘answer’ for which I had been seeking. I knew it with my whole body. This knowing registered as a deep magnetic pull on my awareness. My understanding was quite limited back then, so I kept grappling with it until I met it eye to eye.
And in that stark moment of understanding, this is what I saw: Self-responsibility meant that I needed to take full responsibility for ALL of my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, words and actions. I could no longer blame other people or circumstances for the way that I felt inside my own being; for the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that I entertained. If I felt turbulence within myself, no matter WHAT the outer stimulus was, I alone was responsible for that turbulence.
We live in a culture where it is commonplace to focus our attention on the outer stimulus (person or experience) when we feel turbulence within our own bodies & minds. It is an energetic vortex that humanity has been creating and feeding for eons. Similar to a well traveled neural pathway in our brains that enables habitual patterns, this is an extremely well traveled ‘neural pathway’ in the collective consciousness of humanity. We are born into this vortex of energy. Like a fish swimming in water, we take the energy into which we are born for granted, so we tend to not notice it. We have to feel very uncomfortable before we begin to investigate that which we consider ‘normal’.
Whatever the impetus (feel free to insert your own); when we experience undulations in our hearts, in our bodies, in our minds, our habitual tendency is to think about, talk about and focus upon the outer impetus. This tendency is the origin of all gossip. I talk negatively about other people and exterior circumstances because when I experience undulations in my being, I think that those other people and the exterior circumstances are the cause of my internal state of turbulence.
This is both projection and deflection. These are defense mechanisms we unconsciously use to block awareness of our own wounds and limiting beliefs, which prevent us from ‘doing the work’.
Thus, doing ‘the inner work’ can now be clarified: To focus upon one’s own internal turbulence and use introspection to understand and change one’s limiting beliefs, thoughts and feelings, when they come to one’s attention via an outer stimulus.
Projection is simply the act of focusing your attention outside of yourself when you feel turbulence within.
Deflection is the result of projection. Because you are focusing on the exterior when you feel inner turbulence, you are deflecting your attention away from looking at the turbulence within and asking, “What is this within me? Why is it here? What can I do about it?”
Remember, we are born into this collective way of being. We inherited it. We do this unconsciously, so it’s hard to see it. There is no need to feel inadequate, unworthy or unlovable when we see this tendency in ourselves. That’s more bullshit coming in the back door.
Please take note: If you find trashy thoughts in your mind, it’s garbage! Throw it away!
A friend of mine is also learning about self-responsibility. In those teachings, it is called “radical responsibility.” I really love the sound of this! It is RADICAL! And, I also want to point out that taking total responsibility for what is going on in one’s own heart, body, mind and soul - is only radical because we DO NOT DO IT.
We don’t take responsibility for our own emotions, thoughts and beliefs - but if someone doesn’t return our text or call in a day or two we wonder: “Did I do something?” If someone gets upset in conversation with us, we think we are responsible for the way that they feel. We think we caused their inner turbulence. It turns out that this coin has two sides: other people are responsible for how I feel, and I am responsible for how other people feel.
Is this collective belief working in our world? Do we have a world of cooperation, love, support, peace and well-being?
No. No we do not.
And I would like to suggest that this belief is at the root of all conflict: Other people are responsible for how I am feeling, and I am responsible for how other people are feeling.
If I believe that someone else is responsible for me, then I am perpetually mad at and blaming other people, life, or the Creator for not living up to my expectations of what I believe will ‘make’ me happy and at peace. I think, “If only these other people would behave the way that I want them to behave, then I would be happy.”
But this doesn’t actually work. Other people and exterior circumstances cannot produce an INNER CONDITION. Think of this common thought, “When I have this outer condition, THEN I will be happy. Then I will be at peace.”
This is an illusion. And belief in this illusion is HOW we give away our power. The external conditions cannot give you inner peace and happiness - because inner peace and happiness are INTERNAL CONDITIONS. Only YOU can change your INTERNAL CONDITIONS.
Just as a conflict with another person does not cause your inner turbulence. Your RESPONSE to the conflict is what causes your inner turbulence. Gosh, it’s so weird - twilight zone weird - to start to see that you’ve been doing it to yourself this WHOLE TIME. Right? This is where I am. (Insert twilight zone song here.)
I’ll say it again: Your RESPONSE to external conditions and people is what causes YOUR inner turbulence. It’s YOU. It’s ALWAYS been YOU. Only YOU CAN AFFECT YOUR STATE OF BEING.
There is a tiny little space in between your state of being and exterior circumstances/people. Do you know what lives there?
YOUR INTERPRETATION of other people and events. That’s YOURS! It belongs to you! You created it! Which means it is within your power and responsibility to change it according to your values and goals! Awesome!
Example: A husband asks his wife & the mother of his children to please hang the wet towels instead of leaving them in pile on the floor. The next day he comes home to find wet towels in a pile on the floor. He could interpret: “She doesn’t respect me at all! I have asked her time and time again, and still, she leaves the towels on the floor!” OR he could interpret: “We just spoke about this yesterday & there are towels on the floor. She must have had a very challenging day. I’ll hang up the towels, and see if there is anything I can do to support her.”
That’s one scenario with two very different interpretations - and certainly - two very different outcomes.
It is so easy to quit a job, end a relationship, move out and move on. It is common to remove one’s self from the external stimulus or person when we interpret it as causing our internal turbulence. Yet without honest and in depth consideration of our own perspective, of our own interpretation, and HOW that may be affecting our world, we find ourselves in repetitive conflicts and challenges.
Wherever we go, there we are.
The point of taking ‘radical responsibility’ for one’s self is the cultivation of a deep sense of inner peace and freedom. When I am able to be radically responsible for my state of being, I am empowered. There is always something I can do to be more at peace & to experience more freedom. As I willingly see and shed my outworn opinions and expectations, I give myself more freedom to respond to people and circumstances with awareness and love. And the more I change my mind, my perspective, my interpretation; the more inner peace I cultivate. And this peace is NOT dependent upon exterior conditions. Isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t that true freedom?
And again; wherever I go, there I am.
Why not make the best of my own being?